I really mean it when I say don’t know if I can watch Dallas games anymore. If you’re bad, just be bad, don’t toy with my emotions. I go from giddy to psychotic in a flash of a Romo scramble. I may drive to Dallas and take out Alan Ball, put his career out of its misery. Let us say I was illiterate, I wouldn’t continue to try out new positions at the library. He isn’t good at football. Perhaps we should get him on that show Intervention. After practice, he walks into the locker room and his family, friends and football professionals (real ones not guys like Jerry Jones) surround and confront him.
Ball’s Mother: “Alan, we love you, and that’s why we’re here…”
Ball:” I don’t…underst-“
Ball’s Mother: “These are people that care about you, not enablers like your so called friend Jerry”
John Madden: “You know you have a problem, you have to accept that you are not a professional football player.”
Ball: “I can stop anytime I want to!!”
Darren Woodson: “Alan, you can’t stop anyone, let alone yourself”
Ball: (Sobbing) “I’m so sorry….I’m so sorry”
What we learned…
Same crap different bag in Dallas. Romo imploded in the 4th quarter turning the ball over twice, the first mere feet from the goal line and the second during a late game charge to pick up a field goal. The secondary is (still) awful. Jenkins and Newman are made of glass, Scandrick is out for at least a month and Alan Ball is still Alan Ball and can’t cover whether he’s at safety or corner back. And Jerry Jones’ ineptitude as a GM continues. Nick Folk, who Jones cut instead of placing on IR, banged a 50 yard FG to win the game while Dallas is carrying two kickers, one that we know sucks and a rookie who may or may not suck. I’m sick of this team already, I don’t need this kind of stress in my life.
The Rams need someone who can catch a football. Poor Sam Bradford, who may have a lingering hand injury, doesn’t have a reliable go to receiver in the bunch. I would get T.O. on the horn, he’s nuts and not the force he once was, but this group looks terrible.
Maybe the Eagles should have signed more free agents. The defense struggled and the offensive line appeared questionable. Vick will wear down taking that many hits each week. Perhaps the team just needs more game time to gel, but after week 1 Super Bowl favorites, they are not.
The Texans will not lose a game in the AFC South. Without the best running back from a year ago, the Texans didn’t miss a beat. Ben Tate did a stellar job filling in for the injured Arian Foster and the Texans rolled over a reeling Colts team. Losing WR Kevin Walter to a busted shoulder was the low light of the game for Houston but they have to love their prospects for the franchise’s first playoff run.
We overlooked the Bears. The Bears, not the Packers, won the NFC North last season. The defense still has some pop left in it and the Bears have some truly dynamic playmakers in Matt Forte and Devin Hester on offense. Are they better than the Packers? Probably not, but the North, not the South, may end up being the most compelling division in the NFC this season.
Cam Freaking Newton. Cam Newton’s sure to have his bad days, but he lit up the stat sheet in a loss for the Panthers. He’s a big fast guy who looks to have his head on straight and a suddenly rejuvenated Steve Smith to showcase Newton’s big arm. Admittedly, it’s very early to make this sort of declaration, but we’ve seen a number of rookie QB’s defy conventional logic and have immediate success in the NFL (Bradford, Flacco, Ryan, Roethlisberger etc). We might just have to throw Newton on that list.
David Garrard was a little over paid. The Jags replaced Garrard and his 9 million dollar contract with Luke McCown with no noticeable drop off. Garrard will get a shot somewhere, at least as a backup, but Jacksonville doesn’t appear to have any regrets on the move.
The Ravens are going to be very good. Will Ed Reed and the aging defense hold up throughout the entire season? Who knows, but they don’t need to be lights out every week anymore. The offense has great balance. Boldin and Flacco have great chemistry and Ray Rice looks like the best back in the league after week 1. The best start one could ask for, a complete beat down of your biggest rival including a screw you moment going for the 2 point conversion with the game (likely) in hand.
We learned the Colts aren’t a very talented team. Similar to how Manning described his second neck surgery, I believe the 2011 Colts will be “uneventful.” The Steelers managed a 3-1 record last year with Roethlisberger suspended due to the core of talent. I don’t think we should expect a similar result from this year’s Colts. The question to ask, is it worth putting Manning at risk by playing him at all this year? Should they just throw in the towel, hand the ball to Kerry and Curtis and take your lumps, get a high draft pick? The Colts should just act like a car full of underage drinkers who just struck a pedestrian- keep driving and make a pact to never discuss it. 2011 never happened, we refuse to talk about it, we don’t know what you’re talking about, Kerry Collins retired before the season, it never happened.